Oh, I understand now. I was sending my prayers to the wrong address, I was attempting to contact God himself. I didn't realise that his son had been made the costumer service manager and that we had to go through him.

And I had to accept him as my saviour before I can join the prayer network, this must be something akin to clicking the "I accept" to the terms of service and registering. After I accept the salvation of Jesus Christ I assume I will receive my username and password to contact Jesus who can then pass my messages onto God.

Do I get to chose my own username and password or are they randomly assigned? With 2 billion christians in the world we must be running out of them fast, I mean it's hard enough to get a unique username at hotmail and they only have several million subscribers.

If it is randomly assigned then do I have to remember my login details? I mean having to think "Username=Gd#VB8cIkJ4l_pass=&nbspG4?!32" everytime that I want to pray would be a real pain and that could be damaging to my eternal salvation. Maybe if I fiddle with the preferences I can get God to install some kind of divine cookie in my telepathic subconcious in order to automatically log me in each time I want to pray.

No wonder I received no reply, this whole prayer business is more complicated than I thought. It doesn't have a very efficient or user-friendly system.

Now you say that God directed me to come to this forum? That's impressive, I didn't even notice anything. I thought I was coming here of my own free will. Since God is so impressive at Internet Marketing do you think he'd be able to increase my site hits? Will it require some kind of reciprocal link or would he just do it because he's such a nice guy.

Wow, just think what God could make through affiliate programs and pay-per-click. He would never need tithes again. You know I think it's probably best that I do pray and contact God. While he doesn't seem to have much to offer me at the moment it sounds like he could really use my advice to make the most of his supernatural abilities.

I'm still not certain that the christian God is the right one for me, but I've accepted Jesus and I'm waiting to receive my username and password to log into the christian prayer network. I've also contacted Allah via his prophet Muhammed and the supreme godhead of the hindus via his avatar the great Krsna. Once I hear each of their offers I'll chose the one which sounds best, or maybe shop around the other religions if none of their terms seem very good.