Dear Omega,
I enjoyed reading your reply to my post. Firstly I think you should know that the prayer was in jest, it would be rather hypocritical of me to condemn people to hell for condemning people to hell. Your reply encouraged me to give prayer another try and I've been playing around with it for a little while.
But while we're on the topic of prayer I do have a question or two. Why is it necessary for me to pray in order to communicate to God what's going on in my life when he supposedly already knows everything? Secondly why do I never receive any reply, I've sat here for several minutes praying my email address to God and he still hasn't replied. I appreciate that he's busy running the universe and all, but I wouldn't mind at least a form letter from an angel or saint to know that someone received my message.
Do you think that my prayer triggered God's spam filter? I think I idly mentioned viagra in between my <amen></amen> tags and now for all I know my prayer address is blocked from God's server. This leaves me with a bit of a problem as I don't know how to apply for a new prayer address, is there a spiritual equivalent of hotmail? perhaps some kind of zen buddhism I could learn to switch to a new telepathic wavelength?
If my prayer address has been blocked by God's spam filter what should I do? Is there a separate prayer address for Jesus or the Holy Ghost? What if I accidentally spam one of them, I seem to remember something about spamming the Holy Ghost being the only unforgivable sin. Should I give up on the whole Yahweh thing and switch over to Islam? or is that the same God?
The only problem with converting to Islam is that I don't speak arabic, is there a telepathic theological equivalent of altavista's babel fish that can translate my prayers into Qu'ranic arabic? I was a little tempted by joining judaism but since it is forbidden to write G-d's name out in full under jewish law I'm not entirely certain how I could enter His entire prayer address.
What advice can you offer me on prayer-mailing god? Nothing I try seems to be getting a reply.
Yours,
Michael.