Short response:
We are NEVER to judge the person, but we are always to hold actions and words -- and our own thoughts -- up to the light of Scripture and judge them by their concordance with it. Our entire legal systems are based on this! And since we are told that light should not be in partnership with darkness, we had sure better be able to judge deeds and words!
If you read the fear verses in context you will find they are talking about two different kinds of fear. That of God is rightly called holy fear. He is totally awesome. However the other fear, that love casts out, is fear of punishment. For these to be used as some kind of oppositional verses is a showing of ignorance on the part of the author/arguer.