Mental Health - "or the lack there of"
I had an abortion in my teens. I have suffered for 19 years from severe depression. Often to the point I wanted to kill myself for what I had done. Every year around the date I found out I was pregnant to the date after the abortion I am very depressed but try to keep my mind busy. I have called out to Jesus and have been faithful that he would somehow take this away. I have tried to give it to Him and not take it back, but it doesn't seem to help. Abortion does cause mental problems. My mental state before was very good. I thought I could do anything I wanted to do. I didn't know any limits. I had a bright outlook on life. Until....I was young and didn't know. There was no support from my parents, no "birds and the bees" talk. To my knowledge they don't even know. I feel like I am living a lie, or that people can see it on me. The blood of the unborn baby that I killed. God help me. I'm not trying to make any politically correct statements or be elequent, I'm sharing from my heart, which is broken and I don't know how or what to do except keep trusting in God and being faithful to Him. (I have been in counseling for 10 years, I have made great progress, except for this area.) As I said, before my mental status was great, but afterwards I began to hate myself. Sometimes I still cry myself to sleep. It just hurts so bad.
I wish I could let it go.
Shame