Abortion was a mental anguish rape to my soul
Today, I am filled with joy, peace, and FINALLY complete REST in Christ. Forgive me for such a hasty reply; you will most likely hear from me again. I can no longer remain silent, and no longer give any power to mental anguish.
Mental Anguish isn't a horrible enough term for my soul, raped by abortion. And AWESOME isn't a big enough word for Christ's healing journey!!! It's been since Monday, a couple days ago, March 24/25, 2003 that I am completely free of all mental anguish from abortion. It's been a long bondage for me.
Forgiven and set free, as can only be given through Jesus Christ, began three years ago..... after 33 years of horrible bondage......... first from abortion (the most oppresive bondage) ..... then the teen rape from trusted step-uncle ..... and this week, early childhood molestation (a type of rape). Simple statement?
I can give a short, incomplete summary today of what Jesus has revealed to me: a horrible foster home man took my virginity as a three year-old. On the 25th of January, 2003 when giving a Silent No More Testimony on the state capitol steps in Des Moines, Iowa, I used the term "completely healed." The Des Moines Register quoted a statement that I own, "Abortion was like the worst kind of rape to my soul." With the term, "completely healed," I took in a startling dart through a hole in my spiritual armor that stunned me only for a moment filling me with a paralyzed knowing (you are not healed). A few days later I stepped into a spiritual quest due to flashbacks consisting of the emotions and physical reactions to something I sensed from early childhood.
I sought God's face and Jesus' enlightenment. Jesus worked directly with me for a while, as He did three years ago, and through the guidance of the Holy Spirit, I discovered Theophostic ministry and met with a minister Monday. With a little guidance from this Theophostic minister and a LOT of revealing through Jesus, the Holy Spirit, God all at once!!!! .... and yet distinguishable!
Amazingly, Jesus revealed to me the actual memory and He revealed that the early childhood experience inflicted me with a mindset of paralyzed reaction toward adult authority, even if terribly wrong. Jesus led me through many childhood events showing me how this paralyzed reaction thing affected my ability to do things such as TELL SOMEONE or say NO to abortion even though something strong inside of me said DON'T.
Doesn't this say something about the plethora of sexual sin that our country needs to confess and be healed from through Jesus Christ.
After I allowed Jesus to take me through this journey, I am free of all guilts, inhibitions, low self esteem, ........ stufff!!!... and I am discovering more great changes, as I did three years ago. You know what? I have even lost the guilt that I haven't allowed God to have all of me for all those years. He has all of me now! Praise God! Questions? Standing firm in God's Holy Breath, Mary Summy