Newbie here... I just wanted to say hello and tell you about me. I am a born again Christian woman living with my husband, 2 dogs and 2 cats in the southeastern US. Would you like to know how I 'discovered' my savior?
My childhood was average; I was born in KC, MO and raised in Denver where I lived in the 'burbs with my parents and 4 siblings. My family attended our suburban Lutheran church; my brother and a brother in law are LCMS pastors. If I had any faith as a child I lost it in my mid teens and violently rejected the church and its teachings after confirmation, refusing to attend church at all.
I became obsessed with finding the answers to questions like why was I born, why is there evil in the world, is there a creator and if so how can you prove it? Death became an obsession. I couldn't get over the anger and resentment I felt in the face of it. It seemed to make no sense just to be born, struggle through life and then die. It seemed to me the people at church were just mouthing words they didn't understand or believe; I refused to join in that kind of hypocrisy. I became "wild" and left home to pursue a rootless, hedonistic lifestyle. Once my father was in my face asking me if I thought I could just go through life doing whatever I wanted to do and I said unequivocally YES, I can.
So I found myself confused and weary at a very young age. My so-called friends used psychedelic drugs on a regular basis but I resisted. One night I finally gave in and took a hit of mescaline. It was a horrible, torturous experience. At one point I thought I was dead and was tempted to walk into traffic just to see if it was true. My friends and I went to the mountains and they wandered away. I knew that night how little they cared for me or each other.
I found myself at the edge of a large swift-moving creek, swollen with the spring runoff. I never felt so miserable, scared, alone and empty. I was sick of the life I had been living, sick of myself, sick of people and sick of a world that made no sense to me, held no promise for me. I was tired of being disappointed and being a disappointment. I had nowhere to go, there was not one place I felt loved or at home.
And then there were white arms in the water, beckoning to me. It was so horrifying. Yet it was an answer. I yearned for the peace of oblivion, maybe this was my mind's way of making it known to me. Suddenly it was all so clear. I knew if I just jumped there was a likelihood I would survive. I wasn't a good swimmer but I knew the survival instinct was strong. I knew there was a cliff nearby if I could find it.
But then I saw a large tree with a low limb extended well out over the water. I decided I would grab on and pull myself out as far as I could, then drop in. Surely the water was deep and fast enough there that it would take no time to bash my head, lose consciousness and drown.
I grabbed on to that tree, and then bam --IT happened, my life changed forever. This is where words fail me. It was instantaneous: a light was turned on, a veil was lifted, and something very warm and comforting flowed from the tree into my hands, my arms and into my body. It was like I had been transported to another planet -- or another life. The tree, the moon, the water, rocks, stars, everything was indescribably transformed. But I knew nothing changed at all, it was that some window was opened and I could finally see what I had always been looking for: 'reality'. Nothing in my life had ever been so real. It's like the universe was laughing, singing, rejoicing but of course there was no sound. I don't know how long I was there but it might as well have been an eternity. EVERYthing around me was joyously 'in love'. That's the only way I could describe it.
And this rejoicing or love was focused on Someone - its creator? And then as soon as I realized that, the Someone made himself known to me, though I gave him no name. It was most definitely a He. He spoke to me, not like a person face to face or a voice from above, but it was as though this being was speaking through my whole body as he was speaking through every thing around me. He enveloped me and poured love over and into me. And this was unlike any feeling I ever knew existed. It was complete, unconditional, eternal.
Weeping, I realized that love had always been there even before I was born. You are mine too, he said. No one ever loved me like this, because this love was perfect. Tangible. Real. I didn't understand what was happening to me, but I knew one thing with absolute clarity: if I lived the rest of my life in misery, poverty, pain, suffering it would all be worth it for one moment of this bliss.
I have carried those moments with me the rest of my life. I know it is real, and it is sometimes ALL that I know with certainty. We are born blind, and our eyes are never fully opened until we die. Our world is veiled by the fall, and oh what joy awaits us!
I came to know Jesus by name several years after he saved my life that night. Stubborn, I searched for my savior in all the wrong places before humbly acknowledging I had to come full circle and accept the God of my fathers. (Krsna and Mohammad are fakes, BTW).
So that's my story. I struggle at times, mostly I am an ineffectual Christian or that is how I see myself. I can never deserve the love that claimed me that night. None of us can. But knowing my savior and the joy we were created for has completely transformed my life. If I can send just a tiny particle of that love to others every day my life is even richer. We were created to glorify Him. And in loving others we are transformed by Him, and become most like Him.
God bless you all with the joy of his love.