is it a sin
there is a verse in the new testament that says- something like- therefore to him that thinketh it is sin- to him it is sin. If someone would tell me the reference of this please do- but if you are not sure if something is a sin- then that means that the holy spirit is convicting you and it is a sin. You seem to already know the answer- that it is a sin- but if someone doesn't know any better then they won't be held accountable for it until they do know better- I know alot of people on TV talk about the subject of masturbation- comedians especially- but when they talk about it it repulses me and I change the channel. That is because the holy spirit keeps me from having a seared conscience. And no- it isn't healthy- it is perverted and spiritually perverts your mind and body and not facing the fact that it is a sin is probably what is keeping you from wanting to go to a church and fellowship with others. You need to stop or otherwise you will never get your mind off of it and the thought of it obviously fills you will shame and guilt which makes you not want to be around other Christians. Challenge yourself- will-power, self-control, restraint- those are fruits of the spirit.