Update
This morning, at church, I finally managed to have not one, but two conversations with Richard. I gave him a "Thank you/In case you haven't noticed, I'm interested in you, but I'm too chicken to make my feelings known" gift (a little card with a Scripture on the front). We exchanged the usual pleasantries. You know, <I>"How are you? I'm fine. You? I'm fine."</I> I think I told him that I was finally recovered from my cold, and he said something about me being plugged up. I mentioned that last week, I could hear what other people were saying just fine, but everything that I said was muffled. I asked about how things were going, and he said they're okay. I inquired about the status of his grandpa (Who's apparently fighting for his life in an Arizona hospital right now. Keep him in your prayers.), but I don't think he heard me. (Sidenote: He's growing his beard out again, and he looks <B>gorgeous</B>!)
After wandering around for a bit and talking to my other friends, I talked to Richard again and told him that, even though we don't know each other very well, if he needs anything -- more specifically, someone to talk to -- I'm there for him. (He smiled!!! I love making him smile. It means that he's happy, which makes me happy.) Before I ended the conversation, I asked him to give me a call when he finishes the song we're working on together. He said he'll do that. So hopefully, we'll have more lengthy conversations in the future. I hope.
I also sought advice from the pastor, making sure -- of course -- that I avoided revealing who my "I hope he's the one for me" guy is. He asked me some questions I didn't really expect. You know, <I>"What attracts you to this man?"</I> (Yeah, Richard's a cutie. But what really stands out about him is the fact that he's sweet-natured and respectful, which are the things that I listed in my response.)
<I>"Is he godly?"</I> (Well, that answer's obvious. Yes, thank goodness.)
<I>"Do you believe that he will help you grow spiritually?"</I> (The answer's yes. I mentioned that that was one of the things I requested when I first started asking for a husband. Seeing as I consider myself to be a teenager in the Christian sense, it's very important for me to have a spouse who can help me grow in the faith.) He basically said that that's a very wise decision.
This part was easy. I mean, it was no problem for me to answer these questions, because I had no reason to be afraid. Now comes the part that really got to me: the pastor has advised me to sit down and talk to Richard, and to put everything -- my heart, my feelings, my future, <B>everything</B> -- on the line by making my feelings known to him. Given my history of rejection -- Correction: <B>many, many, <U>many</U></B> rejections -- that's going to be very hard for me to do. Unlike the other guys that I've been rejected by, I know that Richard -- should he reject me -- will not do it out of a spirit of cruelty. But still (Aww, grooble. I'm tearing up already!), it'll hurt if he says something like, <I>"Well, I'm flattered. Really. But I'm sorry. I just don't feel that way."</I> Trust me. It's not an enjoyable feeling. I told the pastor that I'll probably do that, but I'll give it some time. (I'd like to get to know Richard a little bit better before I take such a big step.) He told me that I should be prepared to be incredibly joyful if Richard is the one, or to continue to pursue my dream of marriage even if Richard isn't the one. (Please, please, please, please let him be the one!)
Anyway, the pastor and I prayed, asking God to give me a spirit of boldness, which will hopefully make its appearance at the appopriate time and place. Hopefully, I'll have some good news to share with you in the future.