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The Conservative Church’s Response to Homosexuality:
A Quantum Leap of Honesty and Relationship
By Sonia Balcer
BEHOLD, GOD IS DOING A NEW THING
As a conservative Christian who believes God's will as revealed in Scripture forbids homosexual relationships and who has witnessed growing divisions in the Church over the issue, I often find myself asking, "What is the work that You, Lord, are doing among Your people?"
While the past few decades have revealed significant problems of mission and character which I believe have yet to be fully reckoned in conservative circles, they also reveal what I believe to be a tremendous opportunity for the Church as a whole to make a quantum leap in how we entrust unto God our relationships, our identity, and our place of witness in the world.
God is indeed doing "a new thing" among His people (Isaiah 43:19). But it will require some intentional effort on our part.
A PACKAGE DEAL
It seems that the Church throughout history has found it very difficult to deal healthily with sexual issues---homosexual or heterosexual. Such issues go to the core of our sense of who we are and the longings which can drive us to desperate and even harmful actions. That is why it is in our response to the issue of homosexuality and the theological, social, and existential questions that it raises that both the world and those who disagree with us will come to know---with perhaps the most poignant "actions speak louder than words" clarity---what is truly in our hearts. In particular, they will know whether at core what drives us is more a passion to be in the right, or a passion to be in Christ’s presence. They will discover whether the driving force behind our convictions has more to do with presuppositions devoid of relationship, or whether it comes from so being known by Him that we are able to be open to one another from the heart, without fear (1John 4:1 .
I in them, and thou in me, that they may be made perfect in one; and that the world may know that thou hast sent me, and hast loved them, as thou hast loved me.
Father, I will that they also, whom thou hast given me, be with me where I am; that they may behold my glory, which thou hast given me: for thou lovedst me before the foundation of the world.
(John 17:23-24)
UNSPOKEN MESSAGES
How is this lived out in an everyday sense? When a person who experiences same-gender attraction comes to our churches, is the main message they hear about homosexuality a rallying cry to oppose some pro-gay legislation being promoted by a group "out there"---or do they hear hearts broken and vulnerable on account of the sexual temptations which in one way or another virtually all humans share? That is, does the person among us wrestling perhaps with being in love with someone of the same sex hear primarily a message of "identification" in which members of the church can personally relate to the dilemma of frustrated longings to be in a transcendent relationship of cherishing, or will our message be primarily one of "disidentification" where members of the church disdainfully talk about "those homosexuals" and thereby avoid confession of their own struggles? It is on this level that the Gospel is truly lived out, intersecting the many lives (spiritual and even physical) that hang in the balance.
It is no wonder that many Christians find the Church lacking the strength and openness necessary to sustain an honest confession about any sexual issues, much less ones deemed socially unacceptable. And yet the very depth of this problem implies that humility and openness towards those who experience same-gender attraction will be accompanied by greater freedom to entrust to God what are often the most hidden and painful desires of our own hearts. To get where we need to be, there are some inter-related questions to think through---questions which, while challenging, make room for God to work in all of us in new ways.
FRAMING THE ISSUES
Beyond the theological questions of what the scriptures say about homosexuality, it is crucial that we pursue certain questions about the issue of homosexuality itself that will inform how we approach and relate to people who experience same-gender attractions. If we take a closer look at the scientific and social evidence, we may find that not everything represented about gays and lesbians by those who agree with us theologically hold up scientifically.
Nature or Nurture. For one thing, there is much debate over the "nature vs. nurture" question over the origins of homosexuality. With gay advocacy groups arguing that homosexuality is largely genetic and family advocacy groups arguing that homosexuality is developmental, the implication is that if homosexuality is environmental, then it can be changed through some combination of prayer and therapy. Indeed, for decades there have been anecdotal reports (e.g., from Exodus) of persons who were able to forsake homosexual relationships and develop feelings for someone of the opposite sex and maintain a fulfilling marriage. Having been involved with Exodus for over a decade, I have met a number of them and can vouch for their testimonies. And yet, while it may be tempting to offer this as a hopeful eventuality for loved ones struggling with homosexuality, there are many more anecdotal reports of persons who, though able to maintain sexual purity in celibacy, find that their attractions for the same sex are largely unchanged.
This is something I can vouch for personally, for it is my own experience, and it is the experience of many I have served in support groups since 1987. Sadly, I have seen many, having struggled for years, reach a point of crisis and embrace homosexuality, often despairing of Christianity altogether. If we, the conservative Church, want to speak with credibility both to strugglers in our midst and to those outside who disagree with us, it is essential that we deal with this issue with complete honesty.
Variation or Disorder. The decision in 1973 of the American Psychiatric Association to remove homosexuality from its list of mental disorders is often dismissed in conservative circles as politically motivated. But such a conclusion not only ignores a large history of research noting the lack of an identifiable underlying disorder, it also confuses questions of pathology with questions of morality. Most of the desires that leave us humanly vulnerable to sin are neither immoral nor abnormal in and of themselves (even when they are, as is the case for virtually everyone, intertwined with areas of hurt). While it can be expressed in unhealthy ways, the longing for intimacy itself is not a disorder, but in fact is part of the capacity for knowing and being known relationally that is a part of bearing Christ’s image. And this becomes the ground upon which we can connect with people whose attractions are much different from our own. Whether or not homosexuality is genetically innate or shaped by relational history, as Christians we are often called to live in ways that are "unnatural". That is why we need to abide continually in Him, the true Vine (John 15).
Fixed or Mutable. All the various psychological theories proposed to explain what in a person's early life might "cause" homosexuality assume a particular kind of family dynamic (e.g. a "distant father") which is accurate for some but is not by any means descriptive of all or even most persons experiencing same-gender attraction. Such theories at best apply unevenly. The scientific evidence seems to suggest a complex interplay between genetic and environmental factors, with the implication that the operative components vary from individual to individual. That would mean that in those persons for whom the developmental factors are predominant, the effects of prayer and therapy could have a significant impact on the "direction" of attractions. However, for those persons in whom the inborn factors are predominant, the effects of prayer and therapy might be beneficial in many areas of life and relationship, but would be unlikely to bring about opposite-sex attractions.
In addition, there are instances in which sexual attractions seem to shift spontaneously, even in ones who are not conservative Christians and are not in conflict over their own homosexuality. In other words, it is not unknown for someone who has lived an openly gay life and has been intimate only with the same sex to suddenly find himself or herself in the bewildering situation of falling in love with a member of the opposite sex. This suggests that there is much that is not understood about sexuality, and it is healthy to recognize that sexual attractions are intrinsic to a human existence of many layers of complexity, wonder, and mystery.
Promiscuity is a distinct issue. In much of the literature on the conservative side, reference is often made to the "gay lifestyle" and dangerous promiscuity. While there are those who do indeed act out with many partners and/or in depersonalized ways, it is important to remember that promiscuity is an entirely separate issue from homosexuality or heterosexuality. Through my own work providing support to individuals struggling with homosexuality, I have seen a full spectrum in same-sex relationships, ranging from cherishing and monogamy, to selfish and unstable---much like the spectrum seen in opposite-sex relationships. If we can understand promiscuity in the gay community in analogous terms to promiscuity in the heterosexual "bar" scene, then we will be much more ready to know the same-gender attracted persons who come into our lives as they really are, rather than as the caricatures presented in the "culture war".
Attractions are not relationships. In this article, the term "same-gender attraction" is being used because it clearly defines the issue of homosexuality in terms that not only are free of the political overlay of "gay" but that the average person can much more easily relate to. That is, most everyone can identify with experiencing sexual attractions which, not acted upon, are not sin, but which pose temptation. Whether same-gender or opposite-gender, sexual attractions can be stewarded in such a way that despite the challenge of strong desire, our hearts become knitted ever more closely with God, and available to the character and the creativity He would work in and through us.
Offering a vision beyond marriage. If one of the questions we wrestle with is that of mutability, and the reality that many who remain committed to God amid struggles with homosexuality do not experience a significant change in attractions even after many years of prayer and counseling, we must come to terms with the question of purpose and calling. Both our pastoral effectiveness and witness in the larger world hinges upon dealing with this issue with total honesty. This is of particular importance within a culture (both world and church) that provides few images of a healthy---and intimate and fruitful---counterpart to marriage. Many of us would prefer to avoid our own discomfort with aloneness and doubts it raises about the future. But no one---homosexual or heterosexual---has any guarantee in this lifetime of sexual fulfillment, and focusing upon that can only lead to disillusionment and distraction from the greater life God has for each of us. He intends for us a fullness of existence which does not depend on marital status.
Therefore, one component of the Church's response to the issue of homosexuality is discovering a greater vision to offer than marriage alone. In Matthew 19, Jesus makes clear that marriage and celibacy both are high callings of God, filled with His purposes. Celibacy is not primarily about "abstinence" (what one refrains from doing), but rather about being set apart for a unique kind of life in God (Isaiah 54). If the dilemmas presented by homosexuality can become a catalyst for the Church to discover this reality, then we will have gained a precious treasure. Such a vision---countercultural yet joy-filled, of a life set apart in trust and devotion---will be able to speak universally to people struggling in aloneness.
A RELATIONAL MATTER
How does this work out in relation to homosexuality---in our dealings not only with those who would persuade us on theological or socio-political points, but most importantly with persons in our midst whose lives have been touched by homosexuality---their own or that of a loved one?
Up until now, it seems that the issue of homosexuality in the conservative church has largely been cast in oppositional terms of how to respond to those who earnestly want us to agree with homosexual relationships to the point of embracing and blessing something which we with equal earnestness believe we cannot bless without compromising truth. And indeed there is an unavoidable discomfort arising from such conflicting positions. But "what we believe" is only part of the dilemma presented to us by this issue. It is in the "how we treat one another", including those with whom we disagree and/or whom we see pursuing something not of His will, that we find the other half of the equation.
If we can only state truth but do not open our hearts to those in our midst are wrestling (in agreement or not) with it, then we are not really participating in the core ministry of relationship which is the means by which the Church both reveals and enters into the love of God. Truth is much more than facts---truth is a Person, the One who shows us the way to the Father (John 14:6). Perhaps "oneness" among those who place their faith in Jesus Christ does not consist so much in agreement as it does in intimacy with the One Whose love we have in common---a love which enables us to take risks in knowing and sharing intimate matters with one another. Our walk with God is not completed by knowing even many things, but by knowing Him, and this is the level on which we must wrestle with the difficulties of homosexuality.
For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin.
Hebrews 4:15
This, along with an acute recognition of our own need for ongoing grace to navigate the depths of our own longings, is a foundation for being open to knowing those in our midst who struggle with homosexual temptation as much more than "them"---but as fellow travelers in our journey towards God's heart.
Sonia Balcer is a physicist who has navigated the territory of lifelong same-gender attractions and has since 1987 been involved with Exodus ministries and workshops. Active in worship and prayer in her church, she has since 1992 been leading "Safe Passage", an open support group in the Los Angeles area for those struggling with homosexuality.