Homosexual Discussion ForumBisexuality :: Re: Bisexuality
If you believe those figures, then I have some swampland to sell you here in the desert. According to one of the most recently published sex surveys aired nationally on an ABC sex & society special, over 40% of MARRIED women have either engaged or seriously considered a bi FMF, FFM or FF type of affair/relationship. Nearly 60% of MARRIED men have had oral sex performed on them bi a MOTSS or performed themselves. Those findings did not take into consideration those who are in self-denial or unable to conciously recognize their desires or those who have MOTSS fantasies. This bisexuality trend is pretty much an epidemic. I have a theory as to why... nothing is really shocking to us, anymore. On regular (non-cable) late night tv, we see not only national phone sex/chat ads, but also get constant bombardment with local singles ads here about "exploring your curiosity" with another guy and most recently, another girl in well put together camouflaged "straight appearing" commercials for MOTSS. There are numerous other reasons, too - including many high-profile, supposedly straight public figures either getting caught or admitting their bisexual desires publicly. All this does is again, desnsitizes, lessens the shock or the taboo of exploring MOTSS desires. Many wives are seeking out other women as they feel husbands cannot connect with them in the way they want, because they can't or won't communicate intimately with their spouse. Many husbands who are not getting their sexual needs met at home are seeking other men sexually for fear of falling in love with another woman, creating a permanent rift in their marital relationship. Also, the same thing women feel about men emotionally/physically about not connecting, men feel mostly physically as well - very few bi or bi-curious men (unlike women) feel emotional connections are necessary in their bi relationships. For example, two thirds of men polled if they did not know who was on the other end of an anonymous oral encounter in a dark room, would they continue if they found a MOTSS in the middle of the encounter - they pretty much responded with "a mouth is a mouth" type of response. I know several supposedly evangelical Christian men and women who have admitted MOTSS desires or as a way to spice up their relationships in threesomes, etc. I, myself, am struggling with these desires that were implanted in me in several unsolicited instances/encounters throughout my life. I shirked them away like all other good Christians to some degree, but back in the 80's exactly 20 years ago this summer, I had a bizzarre experience, to say the least. I had a huge near-fatal carbon monoxide (CO) poisoning accident over a 3 month period of intermittent exposure climaxed by an eventual accute exposure that changed my entire life's direction after brain damage and constant headaches resulting from it. I had 5 times the lethal dosage of CO in my bloodstream, but due to the fact I was chatting on an experimental (at the time) phone chat line run by our local phone company, I stayed awake throughout the entire time following that accute exposure. I miraculously survived, but my mind was in the Twilight Zone and unbeknownst to me, my body was on the edge of life and death. I was home all alone at the time and for nearly two weeks, I did not even know who or even what I was. I went from college film student to swinger to evanglist to End Times prophet - I have been through the TZ and beyond. Unfortunately, during this two week period, I remember almost everything I did, said, heard, thought or desired. The whole prolonged CO episodic exposure accident began at the end of my college sophomore spring semester in early May (so much for my finals) and went on throughout the entire summer. For no reason, I broke off a six-plus month intimate relationship with my girlfriend. That summer, I can't (and won't) even begin to tell you how my personality evolved and the many things I thought and did I had never done before like uninhibited sex, drugs, alcohol, etc. I did it all and found myself craving more. My coordination and perception was altered... I dropped things, set a car rear bench seat down on my toe, locked my hand under the hood of my car, almost got into two auto accidents and more, however, I did not know why all this was happening to me. It was like the plot from the movie "Gaslight." Without getting too specific as to the cause as there are/were legalities involved, I will strongly advise any/all of you from having natural gas appliances inside your home, especially furnaces and hot water heaters. I would go wild while away from home, but once arriving, I'd become lethargic, fatigued, as well as lonely and horny - all due to the CO pumping itself into my upstairs condo bedroom. Those latter two symptoms prompted me to seek out the chat line, where I would run into several dozen girls/women all over our Valley who were into any and everything you could possibly imagine. I ran into the sexiest woman I have ever met to this day... she opened my mind to the idea of participating with her and her ex-boyfriend/lover in an MMF relationship with myself being her submissive participant. We spent countless hours exploring this over the phone, etc. and then we later lost touch due to both changing phones/addresses almost simultaneously... yet those ideas, fantasies, MOTSS desires were never supplanted or erased - they just grew and became stronger through validation. I spent several weeks in a psychiatric wing of a hospital with virtually no physical treatment as I was diagnosed with a psychotic break and bi-polar. They got the "bi" part right, but nearly killed me with a Lithium overdose as I was not bi-polar or even close to it. Anyway, in spite of everything I endured, I rehabilitated to the best of my ability, but realized my personality was altered and I had essentially what was a second adolescence. I got wilder, my music listening habits were different... much harder, I dated much younger as well as older and met a bunch of "hot" wild girls who further opened my world to a whole different plateau of reality during the summer of my CO accident and afterward. After finding other women who were as turned on bi the thought of two men as we men are with two women (whether we will admit that or not), thus validating my desires, my mind began to open to the posssibility of me passively or even actively participating in their bi MFM or MMF fantasy. At first, I rationalized it by saying to myself... "well, if it turns her on, that would be the only way I would ever do it - never alone with a guy" and the like, but then I began desiring it, no matter what or whom. My wife (who is not a Christian) accepted my occasional curiosities and even endorsed them in fantasies and possibly even real life encounters with another guy or girl even, but that never came to fruition, although she at the time wanted it to - she even had a code word/phrase at the time... "honey, go take a shower." She ended up getting cold feet right after she spontaneously found "the perfect guy" for us and sent him home. Since then, we have had kids and after my youngest of them had a bad illness which crippled him that kept her with him at the hospital for months. We drifted physically somewhat, but then we tried to spice things up by going to a few swingers clubs where we were with each other in plain view, but never included other couples, men or women. Then, after a large weight gain and other things, she turned cold frigid an recently told me to "safely" go explore my "curiosities" or fulfill my sexual needs without her as she no longer desired sexual contact, period. We are in a platonic marriage and have been for two-plus years now. Around that time, I had a community gay pamphlet given to me with an ad for an event with my business that I had to approve. Inside was an ad for a local gay men's "health" club - late one night I felt like a hot tub and decided to check it out. Oh my goodness... I had never seen anything like it in my life - I mostly watched, but then found myself fully participating. It was hypnotizingly, mesmerizingly drawn in, throwing caution to the wind, albeit somewhat safely. The curiosities were being finally fulfilled to some extent. I have only recently orally experimented while fully knowing it's considered wrong, yet trying to get this fantasy or desire out of my system. There in part is my dilemna... as a backslidden Christian in a non-intimate marriage for over two years (not of my choice), I have a desire I cannot dismiss anymore as harmless "fantasy" - I tried, though, especially following 9/11/01. I threw away all my erotica/porn and deleted all my internet bookmarks, etc. and turned completely away, going to my spirit-filled church fairly regularly, but yet later felt suppressed desires after nearly a year later. Late one night at a 2002 New Year's Eve party I was solo attending, I was flat-out, out of the blue approached by a married couple to hook up with them as they thought we would be perfect for each other... and we were. I hate to admit it, but I enjoyed it and want to now fully experience a bi MMF physical encounter with a man and a woman. I have since explored some more MMF and even MM encounters, but still hold onto my "male virginity" so to speak. I know sodomy is wrong, too, but still feel those "implanted" desires that I have suppressed for going on two decades. What category can you put me in as far as how I am now becoming or became bisexual (something not of my choosing) even after two decades of not acting upon those curiosities, fantasies, desires or needs? Who am I hurting bi exploring these desires? I am curious (not in that way) as to how I could fit into any of the previously listed categories/circumstances that led me toward bisexuality. I do not believe that it is genetic or we are born that way as I never had any such feelings prior to being unwarrentedly approached. I also have not lost any desire for women, in fact I now have a renewed desire for them, now that I am no longer intimate with my wife. I could never hold hands, walk thru the park, kiss and or be romantic with a guy, but in the bedroom, I'm a whole different animal. It is purely physical as the thought of a monogomous MM romantic relationship turns my stomach and makes me limp. Where do I go from here? Curious and confused in Arizona, Jamie |
🌈Pride🌈 goeth before Destruction
When 🌈Pride🌈 cometh, then cometh Shame