Hi, I'm new to this forum and reading through it, a lot of the posts upset me. What I want to do is put forward my story here so that perhaps some of you will understand that homosexuality is a phenomenon that exists within all of us, is not a sickness and does not stop people from living a loving and productive life. further, it is most certainly nothing to be feared or pitied or sneered at.
when i was 17 years old my father died of a heart attack. my mother had died from a brain aneurysm when i was 3 and i was brought up by my father alone, who became an increasingly more violent and aggressive alcoholic who molested me repeatedly from age 14 up until when he died. i never said a word to anyone about what was happening to me. people would sometimes ask me about the bruising on my arms or face but i always made up some excuse and they swallowed it. they didn't want to go there and i don't blame them.
then i met this guy who worked in the local music shop. he was 19 and i was just 14 and we bonded over a love of punk rock. i hung out in the store a lot because i hated going home. he was the first person i eventually told everything to. he was the first person to see that all was not right with me and wasn't afraid to ask the questions nobody else would ask. he became a surrogate father figure in a way. he let me crash at his place when i needed to, fed me, dropped me off to school, he even helped me with my school work from time to time. he took an interest.
after my dad died and i was alone (if you discount crazy aunties who lived across the country) he asked me if i wanted to move in with him. i said yes. so i moved in with he and his boyfriend and they both looked after me better than my father ever could have until i was 20 years old. they supported me financially, they taught me how to be responsible when it came to sex and drugs, they taught me how to survive in terms of financial management and generally how to live successfully in this world.
to them sexuality is fluid. both have slept with and had relationships with women in the past. i fooled around with some same sex friends when i was in college just to experiment and yeah, the same instincts kick in, although not to the same extent for me as they do with the opposite sex. my friends believe that we all possess the capacity to love both sexes and its just a matter of finding out which one feels the best to be with. sexuality is fluid and nothing to be ashamed of.
i had many issues about the world. i hated a lot. i was cold and distant and cut off and angry. my surrogate same sex parents taught me how to trust and how to love and about decency. to treat people as i would like to be treated. i learned through their example. today, one is a high school teacher and the other is a professional musician. they are devoted to each other and their respective families, they love and are proud of me and they love their community.
when i first realised they were gay it was a shock and i remember being very upset when i heard them having sex one night and it all dawning on me but we communicated about it and we sat down and talked it all through and after that i never had a problem. they made me realise that who or how somebody loves has nothing to do with who they are as a human being. that its ephemeral and nobody's business unless you're the one in bed with them. jesus said love thy neighbour, do good unto others, take pity on those who smite you and let the little children come unto me. my friends are living witness to that testament and they bear it out every day.
if they were heterosexual, like my daddy, and beat the shit out of me would that make them somehow better people in god's eyes than if they were the gay and loving people they are? they do good in this world every day just by being how they are, which is loving, gay men.
who they are is beautiful and to those who call it sick and a sin, i say, then let me be sick and sinful. GOD has gotten it all wrong. its how you treat others, not who or how you fuck that's important.