Lesson 10 – Teaching Islam to Children in an Islamic America
Teacher speaking: Today, children will study paganism. As we recite verse 9:5 from the holy Quran fifty times, let us note that the exact method to fight and slay pagans was not specified by Muhammad, the perfect human.
Children reciting in unison : But when the forbidden months are past, then fight and slay the Pagans wherever ye find them, an seize them, beleaguer them, and lie in wait for them in every stratagem (of war); but if they repent, and establish regular prayers and practise regular charity, then open the way for them: for Allah is Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful. Quran 9:5
Teacher speaking: The human species is separated into two major classes: the superior group, homo sapien muslimus, and the inferior subgroup, homo sapien paganus, or pagans for short. The habitat of homo sapien muslimus is called Dar-ul-Islam while the habitat of the pagans is Dar-ul-Harb. Homo sapien muslimus has a genetic predisposition to fight and slay the pagans. Children, we belong to the superior class, and it is our duty to seek out and slay the pagan humans. I will divide the class up into six groups. Each group will developed a method for slaying the human pagan. Your six methods will be listed below. Don’t forget the homework assignment on the blackboard.
The Push method – The pagan human will be pushed off a high cliff and will fall to death.
Teacher’s comment: The push method is functional and cheap. If needed, we can substitute the Petronus Twin Towers of Malaysia for the high cliff.
The Brick Method – The pagan human will be stoned with red bricks.
Teacher’s comment: The Brick Method brings back fond memories. I cast my first stone at pagan human when I was only 12 years old. It was wonderful! This method has the Quranic seal of approval.
The Flamethrower Method – A flamethrower will be used to incinerate the pagan human.
Teacher’s comment: The flamethrower method is vibrant! Our old flamethrowers will have now useful second lives.
The Shredder Method -- The pagan human will be tossed into a large shredder which will rip him into tiny bloody pieces of human debris.
Teacher’s comment: The Shredder Method is scintillating! The human debris can be used as a fertilizer in our vegetable gardens – a wonderful reward from Allah.
The Crash & Smash Method -- A refrigerator or piano dropped from a high altitude will crash into the pagan human and smash him into gory mound of bones and tissue.
Teacher’s comment: The Crash & Smash method is marvelous. By selling tickets to the event we can earn income for our madrassas.
The Forum-Flakes Method -- The pagan human will be mechanically processed into Forum-Flakes, a nutritious breakfast food.
Teacher’s comment: The Forum-Flakes Method is fantastic! We can sell the flakes as an export product to the countries of the West! The income from the sell will help our impoverished starving homo sapien muslimus. All praise be to Allah!
Homework Assignments
1. Write the following verse fifty times --
O ye who believe! Truly the Pagans are unclean; so let them not, after this year of theirs, approach the Sacred Mosque. And if ye fear poverty, soon will Allah enrich you, if He wills, out of His bounty, for Allah is All-knowing, All-wise. – Quran 9:28
2. What is the major difference in the DNA structure of a clean muslin as compared to an unclean pagan?
3. Have Islamic countries been made wealthy by Allah for keeping pagans out of Mecca?
Kind Regards,
Farside