Madeleine, my beloved sister in Christ,
God knows you as His! God knows the things that trouble your heart and He desires that you lay them at the feet of Christ.
I am not speaking mumbo-jumbo I am speaking about a God who was willing to take the chance of loosing His Son Jesus Christ forever, so that He could have you as a daughter.
On your birth certificate where it says father, physically it may be blank, but in the Spirit God has written His name in with the blood of Christ.
Your physical father may be suffering from his rejection of you and your brother. The older we men get the more obvious and painful our mistakes of the past show themselves to be. And if a man is not washed in the blood then he is trying to bare that weight alone.
You write beautifully here on the forum, why not try telling him in written form what you have shared with us.
Especially your conversion testimony. Tell him the difference in your life since you took Christ as Savior, share the FACT that God loves him, it is the sin not the sinner that god hates. However I would suggest that you stay with letters, even if he doesn't answer, you can rest assured that he will read every word, more then once.
And what about your brother, does he know the Lord?
Can he hold his head high and say my father is a King, the King of the universe?
Is there a stepfather, and if not look in the mirror and say, boy my Mom sure did a good job.
My sister, it is not you who failed in the relationship between you and your father, it was his self-guilt that weighed, and still weighs on him like a ton of bricks that causes him such pain. Pain that he alone can not deal with. No one but Jesus can repair a broken heart and Jesus is willing to take on every job. Share the Gospel, the good news, the too good to be true news. And wait on the Lord.
People believe that running away from responsibilities and troubles brings them peace when in truth they never stop looking over their shoulder and thinking, if only.
God loves you and wants to give you more!
Seek and ye shall find!
Sorry if I am out of place here but I felt led to comment in a hurry!
Jerry-The Berlin Bear