Incredible stuff! Praise God indeed!
Last October I realised I had not seen my dad for almost a year. I had heard that he had "lost" the past year through drinking.
Anyway, I prayed that God would help me to get in contact with him again. I realised that my dad was not going to contact me and that I was going to have to make the first move.
I didn't know where he lived. So I went into a pub where I knew he was a regular. His best friend's wife was in there. She hadn't seen me in years! She phoned my dad and told him I was here. He immediately dropped what he was doing (painting someone's fence) and came over. He was really pleased to see me.
I started seeing him more often. I had just started work in Swindon, but I was still living with Mum. I wanted to get out of there as it was a long journey to work every day. My dad helped me find somewhere to live closer to work and as I was living close to him, I saw him every week. So I encouraged my brother to start talking to him again.
Dad changed. He stopped drinking so much. Still too much in my opinion, but not as much as he used to. I went to see him the day after my birthday. He was drunk, but everything was fine. He gave me a big box of chocolates and I gave him a pastel picture of a cat that I'd just drawn on the train on the way back from Tom's house.
He had never taken any responsibility for me and my brother Henry. The "FATHER" section of my birth certificate is blank. He never married my mother and refused to pay any child support as he believed that as it was her who failed to take contraception, it was her who should take the responsibility for the resulting children. (What he doesn't realise is that he is as guilty of the sin of adultery as she is). Anyway, Henry and I had never been abroad before and he took us to Spain. Henry had never been that close to Dad and was really looking forward to spending some time with him.
Unfortunately, things went wrong. Henry and Dad just don't get along. No matter what Henry does, Dad never seems to approve. Henry is a fairly typical 17 year old boy. Unfortunately, Dad has not spent enough time with him to realise this and hence thinks that Henry is just plain rude. OK, he is rude, but he really requires a bit more tolerance.
It started with Dad getting drunk. He let out a burst of anger as Henry started picking bits off a chicken and stuffing it into his mouth. I'd never, ever seen him so angry. Henry got scared and retreated to his room. Dad asked me what the point of Henry's existence was. I went to the bathroom and when I came back I told him I couldn't believe he had just said that about his own son. I could hear Henry crying in the next room. Dad couldn't care less, he told him to cry all he wanted. He said a few other things. I told Dad I thought he was going too far. Henry hid under the bed because he thought Dad was going to hit him. Then he started hitting his head against the wall, trying to knock himself out so that he wouldn't have to hear what Dad was saying.
Eventually Henry came out of his room and said he was going for a walk. Dad shouted more abuse at him. I ran after him and tried to make him come back, but he ran away from me. I sat in the kitchen for the next two hours, I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep until he came back. Henry and Dad managed to keep it together (for my sake, apparently) for the rest of the holiday, but it just wasn't the same. I haven't spoken to Dad since the holiday and Henry says he will never speak to him again. I will speak to him again, but I don't know how to. I'm scared. I feel as if I am being disloyal to my brother by doing so. I know that God will give me back my relationship with Dad if I ask him to and part of me really wants it. But there is another part of me telling me to stay away from him.
The week after the holiday was nasty. I went dancing as usual, but I wasn't myself. I was still feeling depressed, I had been unable to sleep and unable to focus. My dancing teacher came up to me a few minutes before I was due to leave. He took my hand and we started dancing. Then he said, "Are you all right? You're looking a bit spaced out." I said, "Yes, I feel a bit spaced out". A few seconds later I was on the floor. He gripped my hands to stop me from hitting my head. All the energy had been sucked out of me, I couldn't move, not even open my eyes. "Madeleine, can you hear me???" he said. I could hear him, but I couldn't respond. Then I felt someone tapping my face and saying, "Madeleine! Wake up!". Still nothing. Slowly, the energy came back to me and an ambulance arrived.
I went to hospital to get checked over. They couldn't find anything wrong with me. At first they suspected I was on drugs because my pupils were so dilated. They also insisted on testing me for pregnancy despite my protests that I hadn't seen any angels lately. Being in hospital was scary, I had never been in hospital before. Luckily, Richard (aforementioned dancing teacher), Maddy and Martin came with me, so I felt much more secure. Later on, I was able to leave the hospital, safe in the knowledge that there wasn't actually anything wrong with me. Richard and Maddy took me home. I realised more than ever what a lovely bunch of people they are. I will have to leave Swindon in September, but I am so glad to have met them.
The following week I needed a "pick-me-up". That was when I stumbled across this forum. Talking to all these people with such strong faith in the Lord made me feel peaceful again. And whilst I'm still not sure what to do about my situation, I no longer feel so anxious.