I'm happy to say things aren't quite as bad as that over here!
I do have a slightly amusing story among the same lines though.
One of my brothers was being caused grief by one of his friends. So later on, he walked into class and farted in his friend's face.
He was sent out of class, given an after school detention and a letter was sent home to mum.
"Today during my class, Robin deliberately turned his back to another pupil, bent over and passed wind. This is unacceptable behaviour..." etc.
Mum was in hysterics. She pinned the letter to the kitchen wall.