Hi there, I can truly relate to what you have to say. Before my conversion to Christ eight years ago I lived as a practicing homosexual from age nineteen to thirty. And I can tell you I've seen it all and done it all as far as the gay lifestyle is concerned - the bar scene, experimentation with drugs, a number of sexual affairs, etc. I went through a period of fear of rejection by my family but when I came out to them I was surprised at their unshaken love and support of me - unlike most of the gay people I knew whom had estrangements from their families. As for any religious beliefs I considered myself athiest as I rejected religion of any kind and especially Christianity. In fact, my motto was "I'd rather burn in hell than freeze in heaven with a bunch of hypocrites". And all seemed to be going well for me for some years - stable employment, lots of friends, family support, money to spend, etc. But things started falling apart - my lover and two of my best friends died from AIDS., I was gay-bashed three times and suffered from a ruptured spleen and nearly bled to death internally, I lost my job and had to move back home. I was burnt out, depressed and broken. In retrospect I believe it was God trying to get my attention as I had several Christian relatives praying for me and God answered their prayers.
What got me turned on to God is when I watched a program on T.V about Bible prophecy. It just hit me and I believed the message. I got down on my knees there and then and started weeping and crying out to Jesus. I got my first Bible soon after and I read it front to back twice and the N.T. five times in a six week period. I prayed and asked the Lord to show me the truth. And I was hoping to find even one scripture to justify my homosexuality but could not. But what I did discover was some amazing claims and promises that if were true I wanted to experience them. I didn't know what church to go to and after trying out several ones I got baptized. I never told anyone at the church about my past and homosexuality. But at my baptism when I came out of the water the minister baptizing me suddenly exclaimed - "Oh there's something wrong here!" Then he whispered in my ear and said, " you're been envolved in homosexuality and satan has bound you in the flesh but God is going to set you free now." Then he helped me out of the baptismal tank and stood me up soaking wet in front of an audience of over two hundred people including my family. He called over the Pastor and two other ministers to pray for me. And when they laid their hands on me in prayer it was like I was struck by a hurricane force wind. I jumped backward in mid air and landed on my back flopping around like a fish out of water and I began to speak in tongues. That was the moment of my new birth in Christ. And to this day that minister who baptized me is the only one in the church who knows about my past. I never told him or anyone else except the Lord Himself. I believe that whole heartily and that it was the Lord's personal sign to me that He does not approve of homosexuality. And when you read scriptures that condemn homosexaulity you must keep in mind that although penned by a human writer the scriptures are inspired by God Himself as if He spoke it with His own lips. And Jesus Christ is that God - hidden in the O.T. and revealed in the N.T.
Since my conversion I've remained abstinate. And as time has gone by I've noticed those desires have become faint. And I'll be honest, I don't have sexual desire for women. And I don't understand all what causes one to be gay but one thing I am sure of is that there is a powerful spiritual aspect to it. That's why you, me and others affected by it feel we had no choice because the spirit behind it is stronger than what a human can resist on their own. Therefore if you are a new convert but have not yet received the baptism of the Holy Ghost evidenced by speaking in other tongues I urge you to find a church that practices and teaches about it. Only then will you have the power to overcome. Now here are some scriptures to look up in your Bible which will increase your faith for it: Mark 16: 17,18, Acts 1:8, Acts 2:4,38, Acts 10:44-48, Acts 19:1-7