Well... A lot of the time, i'm not imagining a female that even exists, it can be anime, it can be something that is only of my imagination, and when I masterbate, I don't really think of sex, but of sadistic fantasies.
I figured that if masterbation is a sin, it would be a sin because of the sperm that is wasted. I don't want to have sex with some attractive-looking female that I may have seen out in the public, I fantasize being killed by that person. Which is the other side of being sadistic. It starts with an 'M', but I forgot the word...
I hope what i'm saying is'nt too strong or obscene, but if I am to confess, I want to confess the WHOLE truth, not just the easy part, and so I am ready to do. Basicaly, since I was 4 years old, I fantasize being killed by a female, I don't know what it means of my charactor, or if that alone is a sin, but that's my truth.
Thank you for your quick reply.
- VSteven509