God really is having a laugh at you right now Michael.
Pssst ... Before you make a complete fool out of yourself, read this ..
Proverbs 18:13 - "he that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him"
Thanks again for the lame humor about God and the uniform, but you've failed ... Here ..
In the Authorized (King James) Version of the Bible we read of God questioning Job (Chapter 39:9,10):
'Will the unicorn be willing to serve thee, or abide by thy crib? Canst thou bind the unicorn with his band in the furrow? or will he harrow the valleys after thee?'
The unicorn is also mentioned in Deuteronomy 33:17, Numbers 23:22, and 24:8, Psalm 22:21; 29:6; 92:10 and Isaiah 34:7. Nowhere in these passages is there any suggestion that anything other than a real animal is being described.
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But the unicorn is well known to be a product of legend, a creature whose remains have never been found and about whom fabulous tales have been told. Some have used this to attack the Bible -- this proves that the writers were simply retelling widely believed myths, they say.
Unicorn ('one horn') stories have been told in many parts of the world, including Syria, China, India, ancient Greece and medieval Europe. Although always having one horn, its body (usually shown in European stories as a horse, albeit with cloven hooves) has also been depicted in many other ways, including resembling a sheep, a goat or even something like a hare.
A recurring theme was its association with virtue and virginity; though wild, it liked to cradle its head in devotion in a virgin's lap, while its horn ensured a skewered end for all who tried to falsely pass themselves off as so undefiled. Marco Polo searched for the unicorn, but rejected the rhinoceros in disappointment (such a rough, ugly, muddy head could not possibly be visualized nestling in the white flowing robes of a maiden's lap).
It is well known that the unicorn horns were greatly prized because of the belief that they were able to render poisons harmless. Sailors occasionally found the tooth of a male narwhal washed up (a narwhal is an Arctic mammal, the male of which has a long, spirally twisted tusk), and assumed that it was the only remaining part of a once-living unicorn. Fabulous prices were often paid for these -- Queen Elizabeth I is said to have had one which was valued at 100,000 pounds!
However, as shipping became more widespread, it became clear that these 'unicorn horns' were actually whales' teeth, which had a drastic effect on market prices.
So what was the animal described in the Bible as the 'unicorn'? The most important point to remember is that while the Bible writers were inspired and infallible, translations are another thing again. The word used in the Hebrew is 'reem'. This has been translated in various languages as monoceros, unicornis, unicorn, einhorn and eenhorn, all of which mean 'one horn'. However, the word 'reem' is not known to have such a meaning. Many Jewish translations simply left it untranslated, because they were not sure which creature was being referred to.
Archaeology has in fact provided a powerful clue to the likely meaning of 'reem'. Mesopotamian reliefs have been excavated which show King Assurnasirpal hunting oxen with one horn. The associated texts show that this animal was called 'rimu'. It is thus highly likely that this was the 'reem' of the Bible, a wild ox.
It appears that the reason it was shown in Assyrian (but not Egyptian) art as one-horned was as an artistic way of expressing the beauty of the fact that these horns on the 'rimu/reem' were very symmetrical, such that only one could be seen if the animal was viewed from one side. The first to translate the Hebrew Old Testament into Greek probably knew that the 'rimu/reem' was depicted as one-horned, so they translated it as monoceros (one horn).
The real 'reem' or wild ox was also known as the aurochs, the original wild bull depicted in, for example, the famous Lascaux (Cro-magnon) cave paintings. This powerful, formidable beast is now extinct, though its genetically impoverished descendants lived on as domestic cattle. (see the feature article on the aurochs in this issue of Creation magazine, pages 25-28).
FURTHER READING
'Unicorn - fact or fantasy?' Dr C. Naaktgeboren, World Magazine, September 1990, pp. 70-76.
Awww, your a little too late. God will have the last laugh, just remember.
God Bless, and cut the lame humor.